


The Giant

by BaronVonChop



Category: Pacific Rim (2013)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-31
Updated: 2013-07-30
Packaged: 2017-12-21 23:01:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 10,982
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/905984
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BaronVonChop/pseuds/BaronVonChop
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bullied since childhood because of his size, Aleksis finds a place for himself as a thug and a gangster in the Russian underworld. But who is the mysterious woman who only dances with him once, and how will their lives be changed by the news of giant monsters attacking the world's major cities?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Aleksis is born to a hardworking family outside Moscow. His father works at a factory and his mother is a schoolteacher. At first, his parents are proud of the size of their son.

“Such a healthy boy!”

“He will grow up big and strong!”

At first, they are amazed at how quickly he outgrows his clothes. When he is two, he wears the clothes his older brother wore at four. At six, he has caught up to his older brother, who is twelve.

Then they start to shake their heads, and finally they sigh.

“Slow down, will you? We can’t keep up.”

* * *

One day his brother takes him on a drive. They get out to the middle of nowhere. All he sees is white and gray.

His brother says, “Papa and mother can’t afford to feed you any more, so they asked me to leave you here. Goodbye.”

Aleksis pleads with him but his brother’s heart is like stone. Aleksis watches the car get smaller and smaller before it disappears.

He is alone.

He cries so hard that his snot freezes on his upper lip. When his brother comes back, Aleksis cannot believe that his brother is laughing.

“It was a joke. Stop crying, you big baby. Get in.”

Aleksis makes himself laugh too, but he tries to eat less from then on.

* * *

Aleksis does well in school, but his teacher worries that he has trouble fitting in with the other kids. When Aleksis tells his teacher that the kids call him “ogre” and “monster,” the teacher does not know what to say. Aleksis has his first grown-up realization: the teacher doesn’t know what to say because the teacher feels the same way.

One day his parents get called in to meet with the principal. Even with his head bowed and his shoulders slouched, Aleksis cannot make himself small enough. The principal is “concerned,” his parents are “ashamed.” They do not listen when he tries to explain that he was outnumbered four to one.

The next time, there are five of them, and he is too scared of getting in trouble to fight back. He is big, so they hit with all their strength, thinking he can take it. It still hurts, and it keeps hurting even after the bruises go away.

When he sees seven of them waiting for him after school, he tries to go the other way, but it is too late. This time he tries to push them away. When pushing does not work, he starts throwing punches. His punches are clumsy. He does not know how to fight, and part of him still does not want to hurt them.

But the more he punches, the angrier the kids get. He does not see how scared they are of him, only how vicious and angry they seem. They egg each other on.

The fury wells up in Aleksis, surprising them all. He stops trying to block their blows and focuses only on hurting his attackers. They soon flee in terror, and for once they are either too afraid or too ashamed to tell their parents what happened. Aleksis’ parents do not ask.

Later, Aleksis runs into some older kids hanging out behind the school buildings. To his surprise, they seem to think he’s cool.

“How’s it going, big man?”

Though he still worries that the kids are laughing at him behind his back, he joins them when he has free time or, increasingly, when he can’t stand being around the kids in his class.

“Have a cigarette. What’s one smoke going to do to a strong guy like you?”

* * *

At first, he only accompanies his friends when they are dealing in the bad part of town. He is there to protect his friends, nothing more.

Then he is there to help them collect debts, and make sure that the jerk coughs up the money he owes.

He starts cutting class to help his friends.

He starts skipping school entirely to help his friends.

* * *

He is sixteen, a high school dropout, living in a small apartment with two other guys. They smoke weed and watch porn and invite up girls.

“Look at the size of this one! Are you extra large everywhere?”

He knows that he has never been happier, and he does not waste time reflecting that it is only because he was always so unhappy before.

* * *

By the time he is nineteen, he has stopped hanging out with those losers. Now he deals his own drugs and collects his own debts. He did well in school, before he dropped out, and now he is good at keeping track of supply and demand, interest owed, bones to be broken.

He parties with the real gangsters at all the hottest Moscow clubs and takes girls home to his own apartment.

“This is all yours? I guess a big man needs a big place.”

* * *

He meets her on the dancefloor. He is dancing with some other girl when he feels someone bump into him. He turns and the next thing he knows, he is dancing with her. They move together, not mimicking each other but complementing each other’s movements. He moves slowly when she moves quickly, he stands tall while she whirls around him.

Two songs later he moves in for a kiss but she turns away, red lips laughing and bleached blond hair disappearing in the crowd.

He is confused, angry, and horny. He takes some other girl home and she leaves soon after, shouting and swearing.

* * *

He sees her from time to time, always at the same club. He stops going to other clubs. He learns that her name is Sasha, and her father is a wealthy businessman who dabbles in politics. She is always dancing with other men, but every time he looks over at her she is watching him.

When she is at the club, the DJ tends to play a lot of Ukrainian hard house. He comes to associate that sound with her.

Once she gets into a fight with one of the men flirting with her. It is over by the time Aleksis looks over. The man is on the floor, a dazed look on his face, blood trickling from his swelling nose. The bouncers come and lead the man out, barely glancing at her as they do so.

Eventually Aleksis gets frustrated and bold enough to go over to her. He has noticed that she only wears a single silver necklace, so he shows her his gold rings and necklaces and boasts that he will give her whichever one she asks for.

She laughs at him, teeth white behind red lips, eyes shining cold and lively. One of her fingers runs along her necklace, dips down to make him look at her cleavage. She turns and leaves the club without accepting any of his jewelry.

It is not until years later that he realizes what she was wearing. He had never seen platinum before.

* * *

He is pulling out a rival gangster’s teeth with pliers, the television chattering in the background. The man’s guards have all fled, leaving the two of them alone. The man is trying to say something, but his mouth is too full of blood, and besides, Aleksis has heard enough begging. The man needs to learn a lesson: one tooth for every thousand he owes.

The phrase “catastrophic death toll” gets his attention, and he pauses, a bloody tooth held in his pliers, watching the news showing footage of broken buildings, giant footprints, people sobbing and talking to the camera. At first the words do not make sense and he wonders whether he is accidentally watching a science fiction movie or a clever commercial.

Aleksis has lost count of how many teeth he has pulled. He looks down at the table he was arranging them on, but he cannot bring himself to count them.

When he leaves, he notices how fragile the buildings in this part of town look.

He does not notice that he left his pliers behind until he is almost home.

* * *

Medicine is the first thing to be rationed. The disaster relief effort is the only thing people talk about. Everything is “unprecedented.”

People start stocking up on food and water. There are fights when the stores run out.

At first the clubs are a refuge from the changes in the outside world. Perhaps the songs are louder, the people drink more, the girls are more desperate; but at least it feels familiar.

Then a rumor starts that there will be a crackdown on criminals, the Moscow police are finally taking steps. Everyone knows that Petersburg is the place to be, in Petersburg the police are gangsters too, and his friends start moving to Petersburg.

There is a massacre at a Petersburg gambling hall. “Such a shame,” people say. “Too many gangsters in one place.”

He has not seen her in a long time when suddenly she reappears one night. The club is almost empty and she comes right up to him and starts dancing. They dance together, perfectly in sync, and for once he does not wonder what she is thinking. She is there, with him, and they dance. He never noticed before how muscular she is. The top of her head barely reaches his shoulder.

The DJ plays nothing but Ukrainian hard house all night.

When the night is over, he does not ask her to come home with him. He is worried she will reject him again, for old times’ sake.

He never sees her at a club again.


	2. Chapter 2

There are more beggars in the street since the Kaiju attack. Many are refugees who came to the city from the coastlines, afraid to be near the water. A husband and wife have a cardboard sign saying their son is ill and needs medicine. The son was in San Francisco when the monster attacked and got infected by the taint it left behind, the substance the news program calls Kaiju Blue. The wife sees Aleksis, sees his gold and his clothes, and comes over to beg him for money. She has no pride left, only tears in her eyes and a hollow sort of hope.

When the husband sees, he rushes over and pulls her away, gaping up at Aleksis in fear. The husband apologizes profusely while the wife starts crying.

The husband tells his wife “Not that one, you don’t want to bother one such as he.”

Aleksis is angry, though he is not sure why. Why shouldn’t the woman ask him for money? He would not have given her money, but now that the husband thinks that he will not, he finds himself wanting to prove the man wrong.

Aleksis pulls out a wad of bills, hands her one of the large ones. He does not do it for her sobs of thanks. He only wants to see the surprise in her husband’s eyes and gloat because the man was wrong about him.

He is passing that way again a few weeks later when he sees the husband again. Aleksis later wonders why his first thought is not to think back on his good deed, but instead he thinks, _Shit, why did I ever have to give this guy money? Now he will only want more._

Sure enough, the man tells Aleksis that the money paid for a bribe, and the man’s son can have surgery now, but the man and his wife can’t afford the surgery.

Aleksis has heard enough. He has never even seen the man’s son. For all he knows, there is no son. He turns, starts to walk away, when the man bursts into tears.

“Why did I tell my son to come home? He would have received better care in America. But shouldn’t he be with his family, if he is sick? Shouldn’t his father be able to take care of him?”

Cursing himself for a fool, Aleksis holds out another bill to the man.

The man is terrified to refuse, but his love for his son makes him ask. Officials will take cash for bribes, but doctors need something more reliable. His red-rimmed eyes dart toward Aleksis’ chains.

Annoyance rumbles in Aleksis’ chest, but to refuse now would be to leave the job halfway done. He hands over a gold chain. It is not one of his thicker ones, but the man is nevertheless so grateful that he does not know whether to laugh or to cry. Aleksis has had all he can stomach of the man and leaves quickly.

Aleksis runs into the couple once more. This time he almost turns to flee at the sight of them, but the joy on their face makes him pause. They rush over to him and, after an awkward moment of hovering near him, embrace him. The husband’s head reaches Aleksis’ ribcage; the wife’s reaches his stomach.

“We kept waiting here, every day, hoping you would come by. The surgery was a success! It was all thanks to you. You are a good man. Come, come, please. Our son wishes to meet you.”

The hospital is over full. Each room is full of occupied beds, and there are more in the hallway. There has been fighting, robberies, riots.

The couple’s son turns out to be a teenager, gangly and awkward. He gawps at Aleksis and manages to mutter his thanks, though his parents do most of the talking.

As Aleksis makes his way out, he passes a nurse who gives him a knowing smile. It takes him a moment to recognize Sasha. She is not wearing her makeup, and her hair is dark at the roots and shorter.

“I heard there was a giant handing out gold chains to the needy,” she tells him. Her tone is teasing, but her eyes look at him in a way that makes his heart swell.

After having heard the family thanking him, Aleksis cannot bear having Sasha praise him as well. “I only did it to get them to leave me alone.”

She nods. “You may even believe that.”

She invites him to the hospital cafeteria for a cup of coffee. As he sits across from her, looming over the table, he realizes that he is completely comfortable talking to her. She tells him of the refugees streaming into the city. People are being displaced, disappearing with no-one to find them. She makes him give her his address and promises to check on him. “Though I think you would be hard to lose,” she says. It does not hurt coming from her.

* * *

The second Kaiju attack hits Manila, confirming everyone’s fears that there will be more. Food is rationed, prompting protests and riots.

The supply of narcotics is drying up. Aleksis makes a small fortune stockpiling drugs and selling them to desperate gangsters. He faces the fact that soon he will be out of drugs, too, and decides to go cold turkey.

His first try ends in disaster. He spends a day delirious and in pain. His body feels like it is on fire. He loses his resolve and sinks into despair and the familiar, welcoming oblivion.

His second try lasts him a few days. He takes precautions this time, laying out food and drink for himself and removing all distractions from his apartment that might disturb him in his drug-starved state. He fills the tub with ice and freezing water and lies in it when he can stand it. It feels like his whole world is gray and white and cold, and he is a boy again, standing alone in an empty wasteland, watching a car driving away.

He is alone again.

When his will breaks he feels like he is as hollow as a scarecrow, and as he stuffs himself with drugs he imagines stuffing a scarecrow with straw.

He feels himself again, but he is out of drugs. He considers going to the acquaintances he had sold drugs to and offering to buy them back. He had sold the drugs at a huge profit, but perhaps if he offered to buy them back for even more, they would take pity on him.

No, that would ruin him, and shame him, and besides those drugs are long gone anyway. He has to try again, and this time, he has to succeed.

He doesn’t know what to do differently this time to make it work, so he sets it all up again, the food, the lack of distractions, the tub of ice water, and he tries to ignore the fear that if he tries the same thing again, he will fail again.

This time the delirium hits him sooner. He body feels impossibly heavy, and then unbearably light. He gnashes his teeth until his gums bleed. He roars until his lungs ache. He weeps until he cannot see. Sometimes it feels like he is doing all three.

He is seeing things. He is at the club dancing with his friends, their limbs flailing impossibly because their bodies have been broken by Kaiju. He is as big as a Kaiju himself, trying to find his way back to his apartment but accidentally knocking over buildings and crushing people everywhere he goes. And he sees her, coming to him, her hair like a sunrise on the snow, her lips like blood. She speaks to him, she holds him, she sings to him.

Sometimes she is gone, and then he calls out to her, “Sasha, Sasha, I am sorry. Help me.” He does not remember what he needs help with, or what he is sorry for, but he knows that he needs her. More than that, he knows that only she can help him.

It takes a long time, but he starts to get better. Every time he gets his hope up, though, the delirium and nausea wash back over him, and he feels himself sinking again, sinking beneath a cold black tide. She is there again, wiping vomit from his shirt, stroking his hair, feeding him.

Finally, he sleeps, so deeply that he does not dream.

When he awakes, he feels weak, dizzy, and hungry. His apartment is empty, so he sets out to find some food. The clerk at the convenience store stares at him, and he realizes he must present a sorry sight, a pale giant who can barely stand.

He takes the food back to his apartment, eats as much as his stomach can stand, and dozes off. When he wakes, he feels stronger. He repeats the process until he feels like himself again.

He has convinced himself that her visits were part of his delusions, so when she walks through the door, for a moment he panics and is afraid that he is still going through it. Then she smiles at him and his panic disappears, replaced by a feeling of calm so profound he can feel his anxieties flowing away. She is carrying a plastic bag of Chinese food and walks about the apartment as though she has always lived there. She has bleached her hair again.

“You’re looking better. It’s good that you have your appetite back, because I am not going to be able to eat all this by myself!”

He had never liked Chinese food much, but after a week of bland convenience store food it is the most delicious thing he has ever eaten. He starts laughing, chuckling at first and then laughing with his mouth full, with her smiling quizzically at him.

She breaks it to him gently: there was a third attack while he was out. This time in Mexico.

He is enraged without understanding why. He stands and paces the apartment, holding his head, stretching out his arms, kicking the wall. All his life, he was big enough to fight anything. To a Kaiju, he is just as tiny as any other human. The thought is unbearably frustrating, and yet for the first time he feels himself part of the crowd.

She can sense his frustration, and she offers him something he can do. The hospital is more crowded than ever, and every day fewer staff show up for work. There is a lot of work to do at the hospital. Lifting people into beds. Pushing beds around. Carrying supplies.

He is good at the work, but there is much to frustrate him. People see how big he is and assume he is clumsy or stupid. He grows tired of people explaining things to him slowly, as if to a child, or reminding him countless time to be careful and take his time. He grumbles and growls. His colleagues see him as the surly giant, moody and taciturn.

He keeps his temper in check only by looking forward to seeing her. He hates the idea of being fired from the job she helped him get. She thought he could do the job, he reminds himself, so he must prove her right.

He does.

Aleksis has plenty of time to think. His most common thought is: why did she do this for him? They were never friends before. He was never nice to her.

He is not a good man. It has never bothered him before, and it does not bother him now as much as it puzzles him.

And yet when she sees him at the hospital, she always smiles, even when she is working double shifts and he can see the exhaustion in the way she moves. Sometimes they share breaks together and eat in the cafeteria or go for walks nearby.

They do not talk much, but their silence is not uncomfortable.

He knows she fears she is not doing enough.

Months pass.

* * *

She races down the hallway toward him, clutching a stack of printouts in her hands. He is carrying a box of linens bound for another floor, and she nearly knocks it out of his hands.

“Look! Look! Giant robots! Robots to fight the monsters!”

She explains it all to him. She is so excited that it all comes out in a jumble, but he does not interrupt her. The papers are printouts from various websites and news sources. She has been researching this, and she uses words like “Pons,” “Neural Handshake,” and “Drift.”

He is excited, too. Now humanity can fight back! He does not know how much of his excitement is his own, and how much of it is merely him reflecting her excitement. He does not care.

She holds up a sheet of paper with the Pan Pacific Defense Corps logo at the top.

“They are looking for volunteers! We could do it!”

Again, he wonders, why him? But the question is now so familiar that he does not waste a second thought on it. It is crazy, but he does not have the heart to tell her.

“Let’s apply today!”

She is laughing, relieved that he has agreed. She slaps his shoulder and gives him a strange look, almost shy.

“A giant to pilot a giant!”

He does not mind, when she says it.

“Wait, we need to ensure that they accept us! Let’s get married!”

His bushy eyebrows rise up, and he can feel himself blushing for the first time since he was a child.

She explains, “They will be more likely to accept us if they think we are compatible.”

He hesitates. She nudges him. “Once, you offered to give me any chain or ring you had. I will take you up on that now. Give me a ring for this finger.” She holds up the ring finger of her left hand with the back of her hand to him, like she is flipping him off. She is laughing.

He is not wearing his jewelry while he is at work, but his rings would need to be resized anyway. He selects a pinky ring when he gets home, and even that needs to be made smaller to fit.

A few days later, he proposes to her by saying, “Here is the ring. See if it fits.”

It fits.

It is a civil ceremony, and it is over before it has even sunk in that they are engaged.

They send off their application. While they wait to hear back, she moves in with him, “To become more in sync with you.” A few weeks later, they receive word that they have been chosen for testing.

Before they go for testing, there is something else she wants to do. About time, he thinks, as she leads him to the bedroom. They walk past the bed and into the bathroom.

He starts laughing when he sees that she has prepared the supplies it will take to bleach his hair. “So we will match,” she says, laughing too as she takes his shirt off.

When his hair is the same color as hers, she pulls him onto the bed and they make love for the first time. She straddles his chest and lowers herself onto him while his hands hold her sides, then her breasts, then her hips. He watches the powerful muscles of her naked body. He has never been with a woman like this. A warrior woman.

She moans and gasps, and finally shrieks.

He cries out her name.

She falls asleep with her face on his chest. He brushes aside her hair where it tickles his nipple. “My wife,” he whispers, wondering at the words.


	3. Chapter 3

The pilot testing will take place in Vladivostok. Though the PPDC is a civilian organization, the base looks military. They live together in a barracks building.

Their first test ends in disaster. Aleksis is nervous the whole time the technicians are hooking him up to the machines. Sasha alternates between giving him encouraging smiles and frustrated glares. He should sit still and stop fidgeting with the gear. Aleksis feels self-conscious about how much he is sweating because the technicians have to get so close to him to set up the machines and check his vitals.

Aleksis panics as soon as the machine is activated. He feels his mind opening to Sasha and he tries to shut her out. He does not want her to see any part of his life: the shame of his childhood, the vileness of his teenage years, the drugs and the women and the violence. He is trying so hard to shut her out of those parts of his memories that he inadvertently focuses on them, which causes him to panic even more.

The techs shut down the test. Aleksis is drenched in sweat, his eyes so wide that the whites show all around his iris. He clutches the chair so hard the metal bends.

One of the techs looks at the readout and scoffs. “A new record,” he says sarcastically.

Sasha comes over to him without looking at the techs. She brushes his damp hair from his forehead and takes his hand, leading him from the chair.

They walk back to their quarters. She ignores the looks they get, focusing all her attention on her man. When they are alone in their room, she makes him lie down on the bed and she climbs in with him, pressing her body to his back and whispering reassurances.

When he has calmed down, she starts telling him things about her life. With her face between his shoulderblades and her voice low, she starts by telling him about her first time, when her father had bought her a male prostitute for her sixteenth birthday. She tells him about things she has stolen, fights she has started, hearts she has broken.

There is silence when she has finished. He does not know what to say. For the first time, he feels like he loves her.

Though each of his sins feels a hundred times as heavy as any of hers, Aleksis begins to slowly tell her. It helps that he cannot see her, only feel her behind him, holding him. He closes his eyes and strokes her arm with one hand.

When they return to the testing room the next day, the technicians roll their eyes.

One of them warns, “Another episode like that and you will be on the next train to Moscow.” He sounds like he would not mind if they were.

He can feel the panic welling up again as they set him up again. Perhaps it never went away. But then he catches her eye and the terror slowly starts to dissolve. She meets his eyes with her piercing blue gaze, her face solemn and drawn. Strength seems to flow from her eyes into his. He swallows, allows himself to relax.

The procedure begins and he lets go of his memories. He allows himself to trust her with his experiences while he drifts through her memories. He sees her study at a private school as a young girl. He sees her take drugs and have sex with a brother and sister in a back room at the club her father owns while the DJ plays Ukrainian hard house for the boss’ daughter. He sees her get jumped in a back alley by a man with a switchblade, knock him down, and keep hitting him long after he has stopped moving.

Then he sees himself, through her eyes. He is used to everyone being shorter than him, so it never occurred to him how tall she is for a woman. She does not wear boots with thick soles or high heels, and yet she still spends as much time looking for a man tall enough to dance with her as she does actually dancing. Then one day there he is, at the center of the dance floor, and everyone else must move around him as though he exerts a gravitational pull. That pull draws her in and they are dancing together. For once she does not feel that people are measuring her up against the man she is dancing with. Next to him, she fits.

When the technicians shut down the connection, Aleksis is astounded to know that they kept the connection for twenty minutes. The test only required ten in order to pass.

Sasha gives him a fierce smile when she hears this. “Perhaps someday we should see how long we can go for.”

“Forever!” he says, and means it.

* * *

They must learn fighting skills before they can pilot a Jaeger. Greco-Roman wrestling, Muay Thai, Krav Maga. He has experience with fighting, but has never received formal instruction. She has taken self-defense and martial arts courses, but has rarely had to put those skills to use. They work together in their quarters after classes to teach each other what they know. She teaches him how to practice techniques without getting impatient. He shows her how to control the fight and finish it decisively.

When they start sparring, the other trainees are afraid to step into the ring with him. But he finds it hard to suppress his instincts to win, so he does moves that are forbidden in the style they should be practicing, which costs him matches. The other trainees pick up on that and begin to taunt him silently, making faces or rude gestures when the instructor cannot see them in order to get him to lose his temper.

He grows tired of losing fights he should have won just because of some technicalities. One day he is practicing Greco-Roman wrestling with a burly, red-haired trainee with curly hair on his shoulders. As the two men circle each other, watching for an opening, the redhead indicates Sasha and mimes her sucking his dick. Aleksis roars as he throws a punch that sends the man crashing to the floor.

The whole room is silent. The redhead lies on the ground, clutching his broken jaw and moaning. Aleksis glances over at Sasha. Her face is pale and her eyes are wide. He cannot bear to look at her.

There is a police station on the base and he is taken there and locked up. All he can do is sit on the tiny cot and hold his head in his hands. He does not care about what will happen to him, or about the man he injured. All he can think about is how this was Sasha’s dream and he has ruined it. Will she even want to be his wife any more if they cannot be Jaeger pilots? No, of course not. She only married him so they would be accepted.

In the morning they come for him. There are guards, but also the base commander and several of the senior staff. He does not see any of them though, because all he sees is Sasha. Her eyes are red as though she has been crying, but her face is set and determined.

When they let him out of the cell, she takes his hand. “We will show them,” she whispers fiercely. He nods and gives her hand a squeeze. He knows what he must do.

The technicians have already prepared the equipment for the neural handshake when they arrive in the lab. The group is quiet as Aleksis and Sasha climb into the chair. He wants to ask someone how long they have to maintain the connection to be allowed to stay, but he does not want to know the minimum. They must excel, together, or it is over.

The neural link bridges the space between them, and he feels their minds overlap.

She is nervous, and he feels that emotion struggling to establish itself in his mind. He has to calm her now or they will not be able to get in sync. He thinks to her, _If I am going to be in this chair for hours, I wish they’d gotten me a bigger chair._

She does not laugh, but he senses her grateful smile.

He sees himself break a colleague’s jaw in anger in her memories, and shame burns in his heart. He feels how frightening it is for her to see him lose control.

She knows that his anger comes from shame and fear, and he wonders if he ever realized before how true that was. He promises himself, and therefore her, that he will fight to keep his anger in check. It will always be a part of him, but together they will learn to control it and direct it against their enemies.

Their link is established now, and they have to hold it. It is a strain to have another person’s mind in your own, and equally exhausting to be in someone else’s mind. The stronger the link, the harder to tell who is in whose mind.

When he opens his eyes, he is seeing the room through two sets of eyes. He sees the people in the room as if for the first time. A muscular technician with his hair in a ponytail reminds her of a favorite uncle from her childhood. He used to run around with her on his shoulders, and she remembers finding his body in his mistress’ apartment the day after they announced his company had been bought out.

One of the officials in the room keeps staring at her breasts, and Aleksis thinks with her, _Let him look. He won’t be getting any of this!_

She glances over at him and he finds himself looking at himself from her point of view. He merely has to think about raising an eyebrow and he is already receiving her reply. _If we make it through this, then maybe._

He feels her excitement at the prospect of spending another night with him, and he knows that their bond has always been more than physical. When she first saw him at the club, she saw more than a man big enough for her to dance with. He was a gangster and a thug, and now he starts to understand that she did not see past that: she saw it as part of his larger identity.

She never pitied him. Not even when he lay in a tub of ice water, out of his mind for a hit. She does not see him as a man who can be pitied. He learned a lesson as a child that he could never shrink from anything. He had to face whatever came at him, and either he would break through or he would be broken. She saw this the moment she met him, and she loves him for it now.

He finds that he already knows her more than he ever realized. Her thoughts do not surprise him, and her memories feel as comfortable in his head as his own. He knows why she put on makeup and spent half an hour braiding her hair before every self-defense class she took: it was her way of saying, I am here to kick ass _as_ a woman, not _despite_ being a woman.

The technicians and officials come and go. He does not know if he is thirsty or he is feeling her thirst, so they both drink a glass of water.

Sometimes having her in her mind is easy, but sometimes it starts to grate. He does not object to thinking her thoughts, but it bothers him when he does not know if a thought is hers or his.

He knows more about her, not because he is learning her past, but because she has always known it. She worked in the hospital because she had to do something, but she resented the officious staff who bossed her around. They saw her as a headstrong rich girl and kept an eye on her to make sure she stayed busy.

She cared for people indirectly affected by the previous Kaiju attacks, and she grew frustrated because nobody was doing anything to stop the next attack. That was why the Jaeger program meant so much to her.

 _That is why we will succeed today._ It is not his thought, nor is it hers. The thought is theirs.

Aleksis and Sasha eat and drink while connected. They empty their bladders into buckets, and feel no shame because they both experience the other person’s perspective. When they finish, they shared a mental laugh at the expense of the technicians who cannot make eye contact with them.

Sasha sends Aleksis a cheeky thought of something else they can do while connected.

Aleksis smiles and convinces her to have pity on the poor technicians. _There will be time for that later, when we celebrate our success._

When they finally break the connection, it is only because they are starting to lose track of which of them is which. He spends a moment trying to recall whether his name is Sasha or Aleksis, and he knows it is time to stop. Their voices are perfectly in sync when they ask the technicians to terminate the test.

“Eighteen hours.” The technician sounds exhausted just from having observed their feat.

Aleksis stumbles when he stands. He feels half-blind, half-deaf, and half-stupid now that only his mind is inhabiting his head.

When they reach their quarters, they are too exhausted to celebrate. They fall asleep on the same cot because they cannot bear to be across the room from each other after being connected for so long.


	4. Chapter 4

The Vladivostok Shatterdome is a hulking structure of concrete reinforced with steel. Aleksis is disappointed by its squat and ugly shape: the Hong Kong Shatterdome looks like a castle from the future, but the Russian version is like some throwback to the past, part bunker and part fortress. It feels right, though. Even the disappointment feels right. This is what it means to protect Russia, he thinks. He catches Sasha’s eye and they share that moment as their truck gets swallowed up by the building. This is about more than fighting back against the Kaiju. They fight on behalf of all Russians, to protect the world.

They can’t wait.

An engineer comes to welcome them to the base. He offers them a tour, but suggests they drop their things off at their quarters. Without a word, Aleksis and Sasha walk right past the astonished man. It is not hard to find Cherno Alpha: it stands at the heart of the building.

They walk right up to it until it towers over them, 85 hulking meters of armor and pistons, and a brutish power core at the top. It is determination personified.

Aleksis feels Sasha take her hand in his, her grip firm. Here they are at last.

* * *

It feels like they must go through endless tests, demonstrations, and lectures before they are finally allowed inside Cherno Alpha. They have to learn how to move in the harness, how to read the Jaeger’s position and motion, how to respond to damage or breakdown. It is all important, and Aleksis learns it all. He did well in school, before he dropped out, and now he surprises the engineers with insightful questions and observations.

They learn that, because the Conn-Pod is located in Cherno Alpha’s chest, there can be no escape pod.

“Good,” says Aleksis. “We were not planning on running anyway.”

Sasha nods, her jaw set and her eyes fierce. “We win or we die.”

When the day finally comes, they take an elevator up to the Conn-Pod. Their armor is bulky, but they stand tall. They get into the harness, taking their time to make sure everything is attached securely and visually checking each other.

The harness activates around them, lifting them up and holding them in the air. The neural link is familiar now, and they recognize their own excitement mirrored in each other.

They start by taking a few small, shuffling steps around the hangar bay. They learn how to move deliberately, giving the Jaeger enough time to catch up with each motion before starting the next one.

When they grow tired of inching around the bay, they decide to break protocol and throw a few punches. The momentum of each punch makes the machine stagger around, and they narrowly miss slamming into the wall.

Angry commands come in over the comms, but they do not care. They are too busy grinning at each other, sharing the same thought: this feels like a machine that can kill Kaiju.

* * *

A snowstorm howls around Cherno Alpha as they wait for their first Kaiju. Their main concern is that they will miss it in the storm. The Jaeger is built to patrol and wait, designed to protect the vast Russian coastline, but its pilots are anxious to fight.

Suddenly the Kaiju looms up before them like a cliff, a dark shape in the storm.

Aleksis and Sasha prepare to fight it, raising the heavy fists of their robot. As the great machine lumbers toward its opponent, thin sheets of ice snap off of its form. Cold, snow, and ice are no threat to Cherno Alpha. The machine is Russian to the core.

The Kaiju is impossibly huge. They have become used to seeing the monsters in news reports. The clips have been replayed so many times that they have become almost mythic. There is a moment of mental disconnect as they struggle with the reality of the Kaiju being there with them, so real they could reach out and touch it. Then it reaches out and touches them.

The beast’s hands are heavy clubs, studded with bony growths. Its head is mostly a brow, which it lowers, bull-like, as it swings its powerful fists at them.

The blows ring in the pilots’ ears as their bodies rock in the harnesses. They deploy the spikes in Cherno Alpha’s feet, anchoring themselves into the ice and rock as they swing their first punch.

The blow connects with the side of the Kaiju’s head, knocking the beast sideways and sending it sprawling. The monster comes up again, fists swinging, and Cherno Alpha throws another punch.

The battle is brutal, the giant robot and the giant monster exchanging blow for blow. Armor plates buckle along the Jaeger’s body while fractures appear in the Kaiju’s skin, blue blood spilling onto the snow.

Aleksis and Sasha are relentless. Adrenaline sings in their blood, drowning out exhaustion and fear. Their muscles hurt, their joints ache, and their heads are almost splitting, but they keep up the pace of punch after punch. Aleksis and Sasha wince in unison with each blow that glances off the Kaiju’s armor. They share a grin when they land a solid blow. The monster’s screams wail with the blizzard.

Once the monster swings both arms into Cherno’s side, catching it at an awkward angle. The machine stumbles and nearly topples as one of its feet comes tearing free from the ground. Aleksis and Sasha experience a moment of vertigo as Cherno Alpha leans too far over, but with a united effort they manage to keep it on its feet. They stomp the heavy foot down, finding solid rock, and deploy the spikes again.

After two solid hours, the pilots are fighting through the pain of the grueling battle. The comms team back at the Shatterdome has been observing their status and informs them that they are suffering from concussions, and their bones are close to breaking.

The movements of the Kaiju start to slacken. Its blows are losing force, and each time they knock it down, it takes longer to get back up.

The couple nods and retracts the spikes in Cherno Alpha’s feet. They surge forward, drawing on desperate reserves of strength, and wrap one arm around the beast’s neck and shoulder. With the other arm they hammer its face, over and over, until something gives.

They hold the monster a moment longer, then release it. It falls heavily onto the snow, thousands of pounds of dead flesh.

The word comes through their comms: they need to make sure. They take the monster’s head in Cherno Alpha’s arms and twist. Their own arms shake with the effort, but finally they feel a crunch and the head turns, the neck broken.

Aleksis and Sasha are too exhausted and injured to make the trip back to the Shatterdome. With the battle over, they are overwhelmed with the pain of two bodies and minds. As they wait for the helicopters to come pick them up, a realization hits them: this Kaiju killed nobody, thanks to them.

* * *

They heal. Though there is worldwide rationing, Jaeger pilots receive the finest medical care available. They are humanity’s best hope for survival.

At first, they are placed in separate hospital rooms, but they both insist on being together. When they wheel Sasha’s bed into Aleksis’ room, he smiles. He is not daunted by her bruises or the IV in her hand. He sees her resolve and knows she will get well, because she will accept nothing else from herself.

When they are recovered, they meet with a PPDC representative. They have become celebrities since their victory over the Kaiju. Fans are buying Cherno Alpha merchandise. An American tabloid newspaper tries to sell issues by exposing the sordid pasts of Aleksis and Sasha, but the move backfires and the pilots are more popular than ever. Let the Americans keep their clean-cut heroes, and the Chinese can have their picture-perfect pretty boys. In Russia, people love a bad girl and a bad boy.

They are flown to Moscow to appear on talk shows. Sasha does most of the talking, which is fine by Aleksis. The chairs on stage are meant to look comfortable, but they never are, and they are never large enough for him. He tries to insist that he does not want any makeup, but they put makeup on him anyway. “You have good bones,” says one young man, sighing with envy, and Aleksis feels a little better.

The interviewers can’t seem to stop themselves from commenting on his size. “If Cherno breaks down, you can just hop out and put a Kaiju in a headlock, right?” laughs a host in a ridiculous toupee. That interview ends up being a short one.

Another interview is more fun. “Tell me how you two first met,” asks a good-looking older woman. Aleksis and Sasha have great fun making things up, and the interviewer goes along with it, as though she is in on the joke.

In Moscow, people with bleached hair are everywhere.

Before they return to the Shatterdome, Sasha takes Aleksis to a music store to buy the latest album by her favorite Ukrainian hard house artist. They both laugh uproariously when they see a familiar silhouette on the album cover, under the title “Cherno Alpha Punch Punch Punch!”

There is much to do while waiting for the next Kaiju. Aleksis goes through endless simulations, both alone and with Sasha. They work on new techniques to learn what Cherno Alpha is capable of and how to push the Jaeger to its limits.

Sasha encourages Aleksis to take up his studies. He wants to learn engineering so that he can understand more about their Jaeger, but he has a lot of catching up to do. There is a lot of math and he is quickly frustrated. He feels stupid when he cannot grasp certain concepts, no matter how many times he reads the information. Sasha calms him down and gently convinces him to take a break and come back to it.

It is slow going, but he makes progress.

Sasha, meanwhile, is learning languages. She already knew some English, and now she studies Chinese and Japanese as well. She explains that it is so that she can talk to the other Jaeger pilots should the need arise.

Aleksis and Sasha make love most nights. Their job is to pilot a giant robot against giant monsters to protect the world, but at night they put all that aside to lose themselves in each other. Sometimes their sex is gentle, but more often they go at it with joyful power.

Twice they have to contact the base’s supply division to get a new bed in the middle of the night, and they grin the whole time it is being installed.

* * *

They fight their second Kaiju off the coast of Vladivostok, dangerously close to the Shatterdome. The PPDC analysts had expected the creature to surface in China, and Horizon Brave has been waiting for it. When the analysts realize their mistake, Horizon Brave is too far away to help, and the Russians work frantically to get Cherno Alpha launched in time.

They fight the Kaiju in freezing water. It comes up to Cherno Alpha’s waist, but the machine was built to handle full immersion, so they should be all right.

 _As long as the Conn-Pod is not breached,_ Aleksis thinks.

Sasha’s reply thought is, _Then let us make sure it is not._

The Kaiju has a lithe body with long limbs and an elongated head with a wicked beak. Its back bristles with bladelike spines, rising and falling as the sinuous beast dashes through the shallows.

The creature is moving too quickly for them to deploy the spikes in Cherno’s feet. Instead, they activate the weapon known as the “Roll of Nickels,” a pair of metal rods that fit into the Jaeger’s grip and allow it to punch with greater force.

When the Kaiju attacks, it slashes their armor with sharp claws. The metal screeches, but the heavy armor holds. Cherno stomps close and starts swinging blows. The creature is thin but muscular, and it shakes off each punch and continues in its attack. It stays on the move, forcing Cherno to keep lumbering toward it as the beast darts forward to rend the Jaeger’s weak spots, then dances out of reach before they can land a solid punch.

It is frustrating fighting like this, and Sasha can feel Aleksis’ temper rise. He clenches his jaw until his teeth grind together, mentally willing the creature to stand still for just one moment so that they can get a solid punch.

Their connection starts to falter.

 _Wait,_ Sasha pleads in Aleksis’ mind. She focuses on remaining calm, forcing herself to reject the frustration flowing across the connection from him. _Our chance will come, but you have to wait for an opening._

Aleksis is not listening. He keeps pushing forward, throwing punches, dragging her mind along with his. Voices come through their comms of technicians warning them that the connection is about to break.

_Trust me, husband._

He stops.

There is silence on the comms, as though the technicians are holding their breaths.

The Kaiju circles toward them, striking out, gouging their armor.

Cherno Alpha backs up slowly, watching for an opening.

The Kaiju gets bolder, aiming for the weak spots in the Jaeger’s joints. For a moment, one of its claws sticks in the machinery in Cherno Alpha’s left underarm.

_Now._

Aleksis puts his rage behind the blow and the two of them strike together. Cherno brings its right arm around in a furious hook, slamming full on into the Kaiju’s face. The force of the blow creates a shockwave that momentarily blasts away the water underneath the point of impact, so that the Jaeger and Kaiju are briefly standing in a bowl of water before it all comes rushing back over them.

The Kaiju has gone limp like a ragdoll. Cherno Alpha grabs the creature’s beak with both hands and pulls until the beast’s head splits apart.

Aleksis and Sasha are jubilant. Not only have they killed their second Kaiju, proving that their first kill was no fluke, but Aleksis has also managed to control his rage and redirect it at the monster.

* * *

There is no such thing as an easy fight against Kaiju, but Sasha and Aleksis become good at it. Cherno Alpha is slow, but it is tough and it is strong. It can take the punishment from Kaiju until an opening appears, and then destroy the monsters.

New Jaegers are built and appointed to the Vladivostok Shatterdome. Eden Assassin and Nova Hyperion join Cherno Alpha. Though they are faster and equipped with more advanced weapons, Cherno remains the cornerstone of the Russian Jaeger Program.

Aleksis and Sasha teach the two new teams about killing Kaiju. The new pilots are proud to be selected and look forward to the opportunity to use the newly-designed weapons on their Jaegers, but for all their fancy moves and shiny gear, neither team walks as tall as Aleksis and Sasha when they are called to their trusty warmachine.

The first Kaijus were Category One, but soon the Jaegers are fighting Category Two and even Category Three Kaijus.

The new Jaeger pilots start earning kills, establishing them as vital pieces of the PPDC.

Everyone is shaken when Eden Assassin is crushed to death defending Pyongyang.

A few months later, Nova Hyperion is torn apart outside Busan.

Each time, it is Cherno Alpha that is sent to stop the Kaiju, and Aleksis and Sasha have to do it knowing that they are facing a creature that has just taken down another Jaeger.

Each time, they are victorious, and they make love those nights knowing that they are the ones who survived.


	5. Chapter 5

When they receive word that the Jaeger program is being shut down and the Vladivostok Shatterdome is to be closed, Sasha bows her head in frustration.

Aleksis marches up to the director’s room. Without a word, he grabs the man’s mahogany desk and strains until he lifts it from the floor, spilling papers and files. The director watches, his face white and mouth open, while Aleksis turns and sends the desk crashing through the office’s plate glass wall before storming off.

They are reassigned to the Hong Kong Shatterdome, the last functioning base, to await the completion of the Anti-Kaiju Wall and the final termination of the Jaeger program. By the time they are moved into their new quarters, Sasha has calmed Aleksis down. They are determined to see this through to the end.

Marshall Stacker Pentecost welcomes them to the base. Though he raises an eyebrow at their chains and rings, he speaks to them with respect. To Sasha and Aleksis, it is like meeting a legend. They are used to being the veteran Jaeger pilots at the Vladivostok Shatterdome, so they are humbled to meet someone who was fighting Jaegers before they were.

Pentecost understands their frustration over the closure of the Jaeger program. “We’ll see if we can get you a few more Kaiju to kill before this is all over,” he promises. When he leaves them, hands them a disc. “I know this isn’t home, but maybe it will help.” It is the last Ukrainian hard house CD that was released before the record label shut down to save money for the war effort. The album turns out to be terrible, but Sasha and Aleksis will listen to it a lot in the coming weeks.

Aleksis likes Pentecost already.

With only three functional Jaegers, the Shatterdome becomes a mixed bag of experienced pilots.

The Wei triplets are former street fighters who were groomed to be media sweethearts when they were chosen to be Jaeger pilots. The Chinese government took them from being scarred, vicious warriors to international superstars with a hunky image to match.

At first, Aleksis thinks the boys are nothing but handsome faces whose success comes entirely from the quality of their Mark Four Jaeger, Crimson Typhoon. But as he gets to know them, he sees that the fire that sustained them through years of brutal street fights still burns under their carefully manicured exterior. When it comes to killing Kaiju, they make it their life’s goal to learn the strengths and weaknesses of every Kaiju on record, and to come up with new techniques to fight them. When Cheung offers to share their notes with Sasha and Aleksis, they gratefully take him up on his offer, and Aleksis asks Sasha to thank them on his behalf.

Aleksis and Sasha were already familiar with Striker Eureka and its pilots, the veteran Herc Hansen and his son Chuck. Striker Eureka is the first Mark Five Jaeger, and with the impending closure of the Jaeger program it sounds like it is likely to be the only Mark Five ever built.

Aleksis likes Herc from the moment they meet. The man is quiet and serious, and after introducing himself, the first thing he says is, “From what I hear, the two of you have not only been defending the Russian coast, but you’re the ones who step up when Jaegers fall and Kaiju are about to reach cities.”

Chuck immediately makes the opposite impression when he cracks, “Well, you don’t need to worry about that now we’re here. We’ll probably be the ones coming to your aid when that old scrap heap breaks down.” He ignores his father’s look of warning and continues, leering at Sasha, “I wonder how grateful you’ll be when we save you?”

Aleksis growls and steps forward, but Sasha puts a hand on his arm to stop him. She tosses her head and takes a step toward Chuck. She puts her hands on Chuck’s chest, feeling the strong muscles there. Her response is in perfect English. “Oh, what a strong boy you are!” A cocky grin appears on his face just a moment before she sends him sprawling with a shove.

Sasha laughs and walks back to Aleksis, who is grinning. Sasha weaves one arm around Aleksis' waist and says, “But I need a man, not a boy.”

To Aleksis’ surprise, Herc is smiling as he helps his son up. The elder Australian claps his son on the shoulder. “Let this be a lesson to you: never piss off a Russian.”

Chuck gives them both a wary look, but from that day forward, he always treats the two of them with respect.

In addition to Cherno Alpha, Crimson Typhoon, and Striker Eureka, there is a fourth Jaeger at the Shatterdome. Aleksis learns that it is Gipsy Danger, the American Jaeger that famously lost one of its pilots in a fight up in Alaska.

Sasha tells Aleksis of the time she decided to take a closer look at Gipsy Danger and met the young woman working on finishing its restoration project, Mako Mori. Aleksis scoffs when Sasha tells him how small Mako is, but Sasha warns him not to underestimate Mako. “Someday, that young woman will make a fierce Jaeger pilot.”

Aleksis nods and accepts his wife’s assessment without question. He kisses her and proclaims, “But not as fierce as you!”

Sasha grins. “How do you know that? You haven’t even met her yet.”

“Because no-one is as fierce as my Sasha!”

* * *

When Raleigh Becket arrives at the Shatterdome, Aleksis is not impressed. Raleigh has a look about him like he is always considering turning around and leaving. Sasha agrees. If you are to pilot a Jaeger, you must be ready to totally commit, or not do it at all.

Aleksis and Sasha cannot tell why Pentecost spends so much time looking for the person who will pilot Gipsy Danger with Raleigh. The answer seems so obvious. Only Mako has the commitment Raleigh needs in order to form a successful partnership.

Aleksis and Sasha watch from the level of the Jaeger’s plasma cannon when Mako and Raleigh enter the Drift together for the first time. Though the two Russians are in danger, they see the real danger as being to the two pilots if they cannot sort through their issues. When Sasha turns away from the charging weapon to evacuate the area, she shrugs. “Sometimes people are so hard-headed that it takes them a while to realize just how Drift compatible they are.”

* * *

There have never been two Kaiju at the same time before, and the fact that they are Category Four Kaiju means that this will be a challenge unlike any they have faced before. When they establish the neural handshake, Aleksis can feel that Sasha is eager to get to blows with the enemy.

With Crimson Typhoon alongside, Cherno Alpha goes into battle, ready to defend the city from Otachi and Leatherback.

At first, there is no sign of Leatherback, and the fight against Otachi starts off strong. Cherno is a Jaeger that has survived many fights, and its pilots know how to get the most out of it. They land several solid blows, but the Kaiju does not seem fazed.

When Otachi strikes Cherno Alpha, it is clear that this monster is stronger than anything the Jaeger has faced before.

A grim thought enters Aleksis’ mind: they have always relied on brute strength and toughness to win, but these newest Kaiju are better in every way than the monsters they have fought before.

The same thought enters Sasha’s mind, and she adds to it: it does not matter how tough these Kaiju are, or how old Cherno Alpha is. They will do what they have always done: fight to the best of their ability.

The fight continues, and frustration starts to mount. Crimson Typhoon’s Thunderhead Formation seems to do little against the thick-skinned Kaiju, which destroys one of the Chinese Jaeger’s spinning claws. The Wei triplets manage an impressive maneuver where their Jaeger, grappling with Otachi, lifts itself out of the water, rotates, and uses its momentum to hurl the Kaiju toward Cherno Alpha.

Aleksis and Sasha take the opportunity to renew their attack on the Kaiju, but before they can do much, Otachi suddenly whips out a wicked tail at Crimson Typhoon’s head. The Russians watch in disbelief as the Chinese pilots are killed and their Jaeger crashes into the water.

They can hear an argument over the comms. Marshall Pentecost orders Striker Eureka to stay back and protect the city, but the Hansens disobey and start rushing to Cherno Alpha’s aid.

For Aleksis and Sasha, running is not an option. Aleksis can feel the anger rising up in him, but he pushes it down and keeps it in check. That will not help them now. They renew their attack on Otachi, only to have the creature pull back.

Neither of them is prepared for what happens next. A blue organ in the Kaiju’s throat swells up, and the creature expels a stream of bright blue acid onto Cherno’s head and shoulders.

Alarms start going off in the Conn-Pod. The acid is burning through the Jaeger’s armor at a frightening rate. Aleksis knows that Sasha can feel his rage, but she sends him back her resolve to finish the fight.

They are both so focused on Otachi that they do not even notice Leatherback emerge until the second Kaiju tears off Cherno Alpha’s arm.

Aleksis does not know what to do, but to Sasha, nothing has changed. They fight. With its remaining arm, Cherno Alpha starts swinging punches at the bulky Leatherback. The huge creature retaliates by tearing into Cherno Alpha’s chest, breaking open the Conn-Pod.

Cold air hits Aleksis and Sasha, chilling the sweat that has gathered under their armor. Through a haze of pain and confusion they can feel Cherno falling, metal grinding and screaming, and then freezing cold water is spilling in all around them.

Aleksis does not even have a chance to fill his lungs with air before his is submerged in the dark, icy water.

He is back in a tub of ice water, a junkie out of his mind from withdrawals.

He is standing in a desolate wilderness, a child abandoned by his brother.

All alone.

 _No, you are not alone._ He can feel her love for him, her fierce giant. He also senses her fear: fear that she will lose him now, not to death, but to despair. He will not allow that.

He will not allow her to die alone.

He tears himself away from the past. He is here with her now, dying in the giant robot they piloted to save the world from giant monsters. Together.

_Not alone._


End file.
